Why the Sudden Papal Exit?

When a CEO of a major multinational quits and gives just two weeks’ notice, everybody pricks up their ears. Those who can hear through the deafening and tasteless “Ding dong the witch is dead” remix are wondering:

Did the butler do it?

Was it the Nuns on the Bus?

Was it something unseemly on his Twitter account?

Was it the continuing revelations that something is rotten in the city of Los Angeles besides the Lakers?

Was it the Grammies?

The Pope said he’s “justus plumbius tuckered outum.”

Hillary is tired too, but I hope she’ll rest up and be back.

My concern is that there are plenty of young Tea Party cardinal types all lined up and eager to continue the anti-woman, anti-gay ultra-orthodox drive toward purity that this retiring pope, always God’s Rottweiler, has sicked on the Catholic Church. The young ones think the Pope wasn’t strict enough. They hate the sinner and the sin.

So let me say, if nominated I will not run. Lord knows I would give anything to hear NPR’s smoky-voiced correspondent from Rome, Sylvia Poggioli, speak my name until the cardinals come home, but I am not tempted. Pride is still a major sin in my Pre-Vatican II playbook.

And you know Donald Trump is considering throwing his hair in the ring.

If you liked this article by Kate Clinton, a columnist for The Progressive magazine, check out some of her other pieces by clicking here.