May 31, 2006

Frustrated members of the Iraqi Parliament are encouraging the U.S. to form a new government.

May 30, 2006

Press Secretary Tony Snow announced Treasury Secretary John Snow will resign this week. Apparently, there’s only room for one Snow job in this administration.

May 26, 2006

Republicans are complaining about the FBI raiding Democrat William Jefferson’s Congressional office. Apparently they hold their privacy to be a bit more important than our privacy.

May 24, 2006

It's good to see Tony Snow adjust to his new job as spokesperson for the White House. His job now is to slant the news to support the president as opposed to his old job at Fox News. Which was to slant the news to support the President.

May 23, 2006

According to the New York Observer, Hillary Clinton has a secret plan to end the war in Iraq. Wonder if she got it from Henry Kissinger?

May 19, 2006

Bush's conservative base does not like the idea of letting illegal aliens stay without suffering some sort of penalty. A fine is fine, but there is a large portion of the right that wants to see raised welts. Some sort of Biblical retribution. A big long line of Mexicans bent over with their pants down by their ankles and Senator Doctor Reverend Indian Chief Bill Frist holding up a big wooden paddle to the cameras.

May 18, 2006

As a result of his tax cut bill, George Bush just gave every millionaire in America a new Lexus. I think I owe the government a used 74 Pinto.

May 17, 2006

George Bush has proposed adding 6,000 border agents to protect us from illegal aliens. Easier than having everyone move into gated communities, I suppose.

May 12, 2006

President George Bush called four- star General Michael Hayden “the right man to lead the CIA at this critical moment in our nation’s history.” Let’s hope Hayden isn’t too much of a student of history. Otherwise, he might read the President’s statement about Porter Goss, the man whose position he is filling, when Goss was appointed to head the CIA, 18 months ago. “He’s the right man to lead the CIA at this critical moment in our nation’s history.”

President Bush said this week, “We have the terrorists on the run.” What he failed to mention was they were headed towards us.

May 11, 2006

Donald Rumsfeld says, “There is no power play taking place in Washington.” I think the trick language there was his use of the present tense.

May 10, 2006

In an 18- page letter, Iranian President Ahmadinejad encouraged George Bush to forsake secular democracy and turn towards religion. Apparently he hasn’t been getting Karl Rove’s memos.

May 9, 2006

Zacarias Moussaoui received life in prison without parole for knowing about 911 but not doing enough to prevent it. Wonder what Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld are going to get?

May 8, 2006

Bush doesn’t understand why the poor don’t seek education to get a better job. Rich guys never realize how much time being poor actually takes up.

May 5, 2006

The President says “there’s no magic wands.” No kidding. Neither are there talking fish or fairy wings or giant toadstools upon which Donald Rumsfeld can perch naked eating flies with his bifurcated tongue.

May 4, 2006

On gas prices, Bush is not here to help. All the rich people he knows, his father knows and Dick Cheney knows have 30 weight running through their veins.

May 3, 2006

Keith Richards hurt himself falling out of a palm tree proving how important it is to be careful where one stashes one’s drugs.

May 2, 2006

George Bush says we’ve turned the corner in Iraq. Yeah, we turned the corner and found a sixteen car pileup blocking all six lanes of the freeway.