By Will Durst on February 24, 2012

Note: No tuxes have been bruised in the creation of these awards.

BEST COSTUME: Rick Santorum for that winning period look- subtly harkening back to a young Mr. Rogers with rabies.

BAD TIMING AWARD: Tim Pawlenty, for deserting the Presidential line- up before getting his own shot at leading the pack. Runner- Up. Mitch Daniels.

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT AWARD: Herman Cain, for continuing to blame the media for finding his fan full of feces.

THE DUMBER THAN HE ALREADY LOOKS AWARD: In an extremely competitive field, Rick Perry.

THE NOT AS DUMB AS HIS HAIR LOOKS AWARD: For the 6th consecutive year, Donald Trump.

THE CLAUDE RAINES INVISIBLE MAN AWARD: George W. Bush.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: In a thankless role, Calista Gingrich.

BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS: Industrial Light & Magic for making Mitt Romney appear so lifelike.

BEST MAKE UP: Newt Gingrich for his very convincing Walking Dead grimace.

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY: Grover Norquist.

THE “OH MY GOD, NOT YOU AGAIN” AWARD: Whoever decided contraception made for a good election-year wedge issue.

BEST BOY: Marcus Bachmann.

BEST ANIMATION: Chris Christie.

THE OTHER MORMON MEAT AWARD: Jon Huntsman.

BEST NEWCOMER: Paul Ryan for his highly controversial script, “Roadmap for America’s Future.”

THE LUCKY IT WASN’T BITTEN OFF AWARD: Arizona Governor Jan Brewer.

MENSA’S SMARTEST MOVE OF THE YEAR: In a huge upset, Sarah Palin picks this one up for refusing to accept another supporting role.

THE HOW CAN WE MISS YOU IF YOU WON’T GO AWAY AWARD: Ron Paul.

BEST ENSEMBLE IN A MUSICAL OR COMEDY: The entire Republican Party Presidential Nomination cast.

BEST ACTOR: Body of work award goes to Speaker of the House John Boehner for various portrayals as outraged defender of fiscal responsibility, obstinate party stalwart and sophisticated gentleman to whom gracious cooperation is of the highest priority and doing it all while orange.

BEST DIRECTION: The Koch Brothers.

THE BETTER TO BE LUCKY THAN GOOD AWARD: Barack Obama.

Political comic Will Durst has a new book out, “The All-American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,” available from Ulysses Press. A Midwestern baby boomer with a media- induced identity crisis, Durst, according to the New York Times is “quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today.” This equal opportunity offender is exceptionally adept at swatting both partisan political piñatas upside their heads.

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From a puny real-estate deal to campaign finance scandals, Walker's stench is in the air.

By Julia Burke
Ali Abd ElRahman believes the United States has the potential to take a leadership role in food...

By Wendell Berry

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more 
of everything ready made. Be afraid 
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery 
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card 
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something 
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know. 
So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord. 
Love the world. Work for nothing. 
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it. 
Denounce the government and embrace 
the flag. Hope to live in that free 
republic for which it stands. 
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man 
has not encountered he has not destroyed.
Ask the questions that have no answers. 
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.


Say that the leaves are harvested 
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.
Put your faith in the two inches of humus 
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion—put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come. 
Expect the end of the world. Laugh. 
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts. 
So long as women do not go cheap 
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy 
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep 
of a woman near to giving birth? 
Go with your love to the fields.
Lie easy in the shade. Rest your head 
in her lap. Swear allegiance 
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos 
can predict the motions of your mind, 
lose it. Leave it as a sign 
to mark the false trail, the way 
you didn’t go. Be like the fox 
who makes more tracks than necessary, 
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

Wendell Berry is a poet, farmer, and environmentalist in Kentucky. This poem, first published in 1973, is reprinted by permission of the author and appears in his “New Collected Poems” (Counterpoint).

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